What if

Was thinking of him again.....dear God, stop it please! After so many years, I always have this mental picture of him in my head....it's funny that I still can't find the reasons why I'm so infatuated with this guy....it's also strange how I have this person in my head but he's been gone for a good number of years now...

Sometimes it makes me feel that I'm being unfaithful to G-man but what the hell, I don't even remember his birthday...just the feeling lingers on....that makes me realize something, describing such an abstract phenomenon can really be frustrating...feeling is feeling..it's something "automatic" and there's no button to turn it off...

This is freaky...God is setting me up for something...

So back to reality, life has been treating me well...I've got a great job, great colleagues (at least those in my department), I've got a great guy, even tho I'm not filthy rich, I'm contented with what I got...so maybe that's why I got this imaginary thing going on right now...

Sometimes I would question myself...what if what if...what if I did not travel across the globe..what if I'm still in KL...what if i'm still single...what if i didnt do this what if i didnt do that....too many what ifs...How nice if there's this machine to help me go back in time or even foresee my future...then there won't be what if..